“No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away” Terry Pratchett
Those we love we continue to love even when their walk on the earth has ended. The love and memories hold the connection. Death is part of our natural cycle of living. Those afraid to die seldom really live.
My Father was not afraid. He enjoyed life and taught me many things. He was alone most of his adult life and taught me a self-reliance and appreciation for the quiet of being alone. I was very lucky he was conscious and made all of his own decisions right up to the end. He asked for the plug to be pulled all I did was hold his hand and be there. He squeezed my hand and I heard his breath leaving I squeezed back and told him I loved him.
It felt as if the world stopped and I needed to slow down life doesn’t work that way.
Things, burocratic red tape, paperwork and everything you have to do once a parent dies feel harsh and cold. Suddenly you find yourself dismantling their life and time doesn’t stop. Seven months later I am still in probate and clearing my father’s stuff. (I am told sometimes it takes years)
“Time stops for no man”
“The wheel is turning and you can’t slow down,
You can’t let go and you can’t hold on,
You can’t go back and you can’t stand still.. “ GD
Greif, grieving seems different for all of us. For me it is in waves, I love and think of my father daily. I have moments where it’s all overwhelming and I am lost.
The nagging stress questioning, am I dealing with his stuff right, what is this thing, what do I do with it, why is there so much stuff.
I keep seeing things and they mean nothing.
Why do we spend our lives surrounding ourselves with things?
No stuff is worth what a few more hours of time are worth to me.